Third GIC appointment & top surgery

Sorry for being absent the last month, it’s hard to update when nothing changes.

I mean everything is still progressing but nothing new to inform you about. I’m just a little hairier and more man looking.

So I had my third GIC appointment on the 22nd, Tuesday just gone. As before it was at Nottingham and it was with the two doctors I saw before. Dr murjain and Christina Richards. It was a network meeting with them, myself, my mum and girlfriend. They mainly spoke to them about how they saw things about my transition. It was a really nice meeting. Although I’m sure it can be stressful if you don’t have family that support you such as mine.

As I’ve posted before my main priority going into this appointment was getting the two signatures for my top surgery referral. At the end of the meeting I asked about it and they said no and they would see me in three months to think about it. I really argued my point that I was ready and had ticked all the boxes they wish to be ticked for their referral. Christina said there wasn’t time for them to both have separate appointments with me to give me the go ahead. When they saw how upset I was they went to check their time tables and luckily they both had admin time at that moment. So they both saw me again separately and without my mum and gf. They both said yes, I asked to be referred to kneeshaw but due to funding problems with the NHS I have been referred to Andrew Yelland, which to be fair, is the best surgeon in the UK for ftm top.

Problem is his waiting list is about 8 months. So some good, some bad news. Wish down these 8 months like anything.


Top surgery thinking

So my next GIC appointment is just under 4 weeks away. It’s my third appointment and a 4 way consultation between myself, the two Dr’s I’ve already seen and someone important to me who knew me before and after starting my transition. I’m taking my mum as she is the person who knows me best and I’ve always been closest too, plus she’s very supportive of me, my transition and my need for top surgery.

So as I’ve said before, I’m really really going to push for my two signatures for my referral for top surgery at this appointment as I tick off all their requirements for the referral- being completely social transitioned, legally transitioned, of stable mind, in employment or voluntary work and being on T for atleast 6 months, which I am this Friday (woop)- so I don’t see any reason as to why they should refuse that.

There are several surgeon’s in the UK that do top surgery for transmasculine people, all have different results on different people, Some more consistent than others.

I narrowed down my search to, two surgeons, Mr Andrew Yelland and Mr Peter Kneeshaw.

I originally thought I’d rather go with Yelland as more people had been with him, especially guys that are carrying some weight. He operates in Brighton.

So as I saw more results of his I thought it would just be good to go with him.

However I also like the work of Peter Kneeshaw, who works in Hull.

I haven’t seen as many results as Yelland’s, but the results I have seen have been very good and consistent. His scars are thinner and fade better than Yelland’s (in my opinion) even on the larger guys. His nipped placement and sizing are nice and I like the way he moulds the chest around the pecs.

The reason I didn’t originally go with him is because Hull is so far to travel for all the appointments and surgeries, but I guess it will be worth it in the end.

That’s my choice of surgeon, now just to get the go ahead.

Not many updates other than that, my dysphoria with my chest is at an all time high, so it just needs to be sorted asap.

I think my voice is starting to do something again, as every time my voice goes to drop, I get white spots on my throat and tonsils. That started up yesterday so we will see how my voice goes over the next few weeks.

My anger seems to be worse lately, but I think my levels are still off (Dr’s refusing to alter my dosage so giving me too much, in too long. I need less in the injection for a lower Read the rest of this entry

Little update

So I haven’t updated in over a month, I don’t really have many updates in terms of my transition which is why there has been no post.

Everything is still going reallywell, progressing nicely. Changes becoming more apparent. I have another set of blood tests coming up with my next shot to check my levels of testosterone, I feel like they are pretty stable but got to keep on top of these things.

I feel like my voice has settled to a nice lower level now, although the last few days I’ve been having a sore throat. So who knows if it’s going to start cracking again. I also have my Adams apple finally growing in nice and thick.

I’ve definitely got stronger without working out. I start my pre top surgery diet/get in shape in 2 weeks, so hopefully this time in 2 months il be able to see some proper muscle coming in.

Going on to top surgery…I have my 3rd appointment at Nottingham next month, towards the end of September, it’s the meeting between my two doctors and me and my mum. Im really hoping they will give me the two signatures for me to be referred for surgery. I feel I’m ready. I know I’m ready. So if they don’t recommend it I will really try and push for it. Plus the surgeon I want already has a 6 month wait from point of referral so I’m already looking at April/may time next year. I couldn’t bare to wait any longer.

I also have changed my mind about lower surgery. I wasn’t sure going forward if I wanted lower surgery but now I’ve decided I’m definitely going to have a phalloplasty in a couple of years.

My neck beard is impressive now. Beard still not filling out at the front though, so it looks a bit dodgy Haha.

That’s it transition wise. My life is good. My relationship is good. I have even decided I’m going to take my masters degree next September (2016) more on that in the future.

I keep my instagram updated a lot more regularly if you want pictures and videos. Link is in the home page.

Thanks for reading.



18 weeks on T

So I thought I’d do a quick update.

It’s gone 4 Months on T now, and it’s a good time to start looking at comparing things between pre-t and now.

It’s been slow changes but it’s starting to be noticeable a lot more.

My voice has definitely dropped since starting, but I don’t think it’s really dropped much in the last 6 weeks, but if I’m being totally honest I can’t really hear my own voice so I could be wrong. Either way it’s been a slow change.

My face has changed. The shape has changed and my jaw is more pronounced than before starting T. My skin is also thicker and rougher and acne has really set in. Check out my instagram profile for latest pictures, it’s really obvious now.

Still no change on my hair line.

Facial hair is coming in thick and fast. As is the rest of my body hair. I really am like a hairy little monkey. Everywhere.

Muscle mass has increased even without working out due to illness.

More confident than pre-t.

More horny than before starting T.

Body has started to change. Losing fat off my ass, it’s moving to my stomach, neck and filling in that part of the waist/hips.

Had significant growth downstairs. A good 2 inches although that’s obviously just a guess.

I sweat more…I’m hot all the time. Although I am binding still so that adds to my body heat anyway.

Appetite was major for the first month. Now back to normal.

I just want my next gender appointment and my referral for top surgery now. It seems so far away. Although as a positive, it will be my last summer binding.

I think they are the major changes over the last four months.

Nothing else to be updated since my last post, so thought it would be easier to have a recap.


My second NHS gender identity clinic appointment

Sorry this is a few days late. I smashed my phone the other day so it’s been a bit of a hassle updating as half my phone doesn’t work.

So on Friday 19th June 2015, I had my second nhs Gender identity clinic appointment. I’m with Nottingham so they have a 3 session assessment period. My appointment was half 10 and I was late due to traffic on the motorway. (Nottingham being a 2 hour drive from where I live) but arrived 10 minutes after, luckily they still saw me as if you are late they won’t usually see you.

This time I saw a lady called Dr. Mojian (something along those lines) we went through mostly the same stuff as I did first time when I saw ChristinaRichards. Although we went more into depth about family relationships, relationships and mental health, general health this time around. We also had more points to cover on how I felt testosterone was going as I have now been on it 16 weeks…compared with 5 weeks when I went the first time. We also spoke about how my levels were off and due to other health problems, she was going to put me in to see their endo at the clinic. Although that appointment is likely to be nearer to August. This is a great help as my gps don’t have a clue what to do with my sustanon now my levels are off.

We then started to talk about surgeries, had I thought anymore about them, what I wanted, who I wanted to do them, did I want to store my eggs etc.

I again put my point across that storing eggs was not a way I wished to proceed forward. That on the future I’d be much happier adopting. She seemed to take this a lot easier than Christina as she just moved on to the next subject.

I said I’m still more favourable towards a phalloplasty for lower surgery, but still not 100% sure as I’m getting pretty impressive growth downstairs, so maybe I might just want meta instead … But i have a long time to think that over.

I mentioned my need for to surgery ASAP. She asked about my weight, if I planned to lose any before or after surgery and asked what surgeons if any I had considered. I said I wanted to go with Andrew Yelland and she told me that was probably the best decision for a guy of my build as he has different techniques for different builds of men. I asked what the likely hood of having both signatures for my top referral by the end of September, and although she refused to confirm it will happen, she said it’s very likely that will be Ok.

So if I take the beginning of November as referral date plus the 3-4 months waiting time for surgery with Yelland and I should hopefully have had surgery by my 28th birthday next March. I honestly will be the happiest man in the world. For me. It’s the big bit of the puzzle that’s been missing. I feel like il really be able to get on in life and not just hold hate for myself once I’ve had it done.

So after she answered my questions on surgery that was the end of the session and she booked me my third session for end of September.

Overall I felt she was very approachable and listened to what I had to say, put my mind at rest and really wanted to help.

My next session I have to take someone with me, I’m taking my mum and best mate as they are the people closest to me.

Il update in the next week changes and other stuff.


Edit to last post

There are a few things I forgot to include in the last post that I feel are important enough for me to update again.

I’ve noticed that my chest has got a lot smaller. Before I couldn’t fit my hands over my breasts, but now I can fit them both in my hands. They are also not as hard. I love that they are getting smaller, it will also benefit me with top surgery next year aswell.

I also had my last injection done by my best mate. It’s so easy to do. So think that will stop me pissing around going to the Dr’s all the time for it. Although I will need to for the next one as I’m due monitoring blood tests again.

Caitlyn Jenner has come out recently in vanity fair announcing her new name and pronouns. I have read a lot of positive and negative things around this. From cis gendered and transgendered people. I think the wording in the article wasn’t great and it could have been an opportunity to educate people more to understand us. But i suppose a famous person so publicly outing himself is an overall positive impact for out community. It’s always going to be hard for cis people to understand how we feel. They have the privilege of never having to consider their gender. They don’t understand all the bad effects it can have on us in everyday life. It is hard for them to understand. Hard for us to go through. But i think overall, we will be the better people for it. For the experience and growth going through all this, for the excitement we get from starting to love our self’s and the journey we are on, from being content and happy with our gender and gender roles post transition. We will know how happy we are with being men..or women. Cis gendered people will never feel the same happiness we will with our gender.

I’m starting to finally like myself. I can look in the mirror and see how I’m changing and looking like me more every day.

Also I have recently got a girlfriend. I’ve known her for 5 years and it’s been a long time coming. She’s amazing and I’m very happy. It’s not relevant to my transition so I won’t be going too much into our relationship but to keep you all up to date.

And last but not least. (sexual talk warning)

My little dick that’s growing from my clit is now big enough to fit inside my girlfriend from certain angles.

After only 15  weeks aswell. I honestly didn’t think I’d have that much growth overall. Let alone after 15 weeks. Long may it continue.

As I said before I will update after my gender clinic appointment at the end of the week.


15 weeks on T

So just a little update on where I am at 15 weeks.

Can’t say there is much to report from two weeks ago but I’ve noticed a couple of things the last two weeks.

Where my levels were off and the dose/frequency was changed for my T shot, I felt my emotions were a bit uncontrollable towards the end of the cycle of my last shot. I was very agitated and quick to get angry or upset. Lasted a few days til my next shot. Annoying and I won’t know if it is cos my levels are off until I have monitoring bloods done next month.

I’ve started to notice small facial changes. Like, really notice them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not huge changes that would be highly noticeable by anyone. But i can tell the difference. My chin is very pronounced now and my jawline is very chiselled. It’s nice that I’m starting to hit a point on T where you can notice physical changes now.

My hunger seems to have gone back up again. Meat seems to be the only solution to this hunger.

I need to mention body hair because I notice new hair coming through all the time.

My voice is still the same as last post, but still sounds like it’s going to have a drop soon. At the moment I sound like a 13 year old boy. Especially if I shout.

Also it’s only on a rare occurrence now that I get misgendered when I’m out. It tends to be women that get it wrong. Men always seem to know I’m male

Also Nottingham had a cancellation for next week so I have my second appointment with them next week. I’m going to try push this referral for top surgery as much as is humanly possible.

Il update next week after my second appointment.

Until then, I’m on instagram if you wanna check out my current and past transition pictures.


3 Months on T

So I’d like to update this a bit more than I do, but as changes are not as noticeable or quick to change like the first month or so, then I feel il only be able to update once or twice a month.

Anyway, the 28th of May marked 3 months on T for me, and today is 13weeks. Crazy how fast the time is going.

I think it’s fair to say my periods have definitely stopped now, I’ve gone the whole of may without even spotting and although I had a day this month, where my hormones were a bit active making me feel emotional, I haven’t had any other symptoms. So hopefully they are gone.

I had my first testosterone level test before my last shot, my low level was too low and my Peak level was too high, so my dose and frequency have been changed. So I have less but have it injected every 19 days instead of 28. Hopefully that will bring my levels closer to what they should be.

Facial hair is still on the grow. Got a proper little beard now, just waiting for it to join up under my chin.

I’m not as tired as I used to be, but it’s not a massive change.

Emotions are still steady. No crying, no feeling sad. I wish I would have come to this decision earlier in life, as I probably would have achieved a lot more but I’m just happy to be there now.

Voice is possibly gearing up for another drop, but I’ve also had the flu, so there is a possibility it just hasn’t recovered from that properly.  Il keep you informed.


So I’ve bagged myself a pretty awesome lady for a girlfriend, and whilst we were having sex recently I asked her how big my dick (clit) had got, it turns out, it’s pretty big now. Big enough in fact that it can be wanked off, or even better, she can suck me off. Who knew it would grow that much, that fast. And it’s pretty fucking amazing. It also makes me feel extra masculine so it’s perfect really

In terms of other changes, I can see body hair near enough everywhere…on my chest, feet, hands, all down my stomach and sides, all up my leg and thigh, so I’m going to be a monkey by the time all my hair grows in… Bit like planet of the apes haha.

My appetite has balanced out. Sex drive still through roof.

I think that’s it for now, remember you can keep up with all my picture and video updates by following me on instagram.



10 weeks on T.

So I thought I’d post an update, not much to post but il keep you informed anyhow.

Last post I was excited that my periods had stopped, it seemed that I was counting my chickens before they hatched. I came on the week after although it wasn’t a proper period. So here I am waiting for that time to roll around again to see if they have actually stopped this month.

My beard is impressive, another month or so and it should be joining up in the middle. Im so lucky to have so much facial hair so early.

I Iove how deep my voice is now and misgendering has decreased a lot when I’m out which is awesome.

I’m still ill as I’ve been for last few months although I have been able to do stuff the last few days. Test Results I had done say I have crohns and I will be referred on to a specialist at hospital to discuss this. Bit of a downer lately when everything else is so positive.

I seem to have hit the more energy part of taking T, although I do tend to crash around 3/4 PM.

I’ve moved GPs as I was at the worst doctor’s surgery in the world. So my new gps are super helpful.

Body hair is coming in thick and quick. Love it. Apart from my chest but that’s cos I still hate it. I wish it was easier getting it put right. Rather than waiting and waiting.

Everyone I’ve seen recently has commented on how much more confident I seem and I must admit I do feel about more confident and at ease with myself.

I think that’s about it for changes At the moment. But i will post again sooN.

If there are any mistakes in this post I apologise as I’m posting off my phone which likes to play up.

Check out my instagram for latest picture and videos.

Until next time


Updates 7 weeks on T

Another update only a week after the last one, i do spoil you all…

Obviously not a lot has changed since i did an update last week, but 1 major thing has happened for me. MY PERIODS HAVE STOPPED!!!!

This is the most exciting thing, Ive always hated them and ‘that’ time of the month has always been difficult for me, let alone dealing with all the aches and pains too. So im pumped these have finally ended. I’m now nearly a week ‘late’ and Ive been on every 26-28 days in the 14 years Ive had them, never late, so i fair to say they’ve stopped. If i was well enough, id celebrate, but Ive been ill for over a month so that’s put on hold as well as my birthday celebrations.

My facial hair, actually, all hair is coming in thick and fast, although the hairs on my chin are on the right and left, and a nice smooth gap right in the middle, which is annoying, but still love seeing facial hair when im posing in the mirror.

I have become a bit narcissistic with mirrors and pictures and videos, but im just excited to be seeing the changes all the time, the only dysphoria im suffering with, is with my chest, which unfortunately is going to be a while until anything is done about that.

I have been looking into surgeons more though, in a perfect world (where i was rich) id be able to afford to go private and go over to Florida to have chest surgery with Dr. Charles Garrmone. His work is incredible, and i personally think it blows every NHS surgeon over here that is qualified to do it (i have more fingers than available surgeons) out of the water. But i don’t have 8-10 grand spare. I know people think that if you get it free on the NHS then why would you waste money going private, but i see it as an investment in my future, its something that’s going to make me happy and feel good. Its my body, i will die and be buried with it. Its not a holiday that ends in a few weeks or a car that brakes down, this is my chest.

I have noticed fat distribution has started happening, Ive lost some fat around my ass, and it is going around my stomach area, which is annoying when Ive lost so much weight the last 2 years. Plus where Ive been ill, i haven’t been able to get in the gym, although on the other hand, i haven’t been eating, so its not as if Ive put more weight on.

My muscles are getting harder though, they are more pronounced, cant wait to get back to proper work outs and build them muscles up.

My voice has dropped, it is so much deeper, i find myself trying to talk in a higher tone sometimes, like my ‘normal’ tone of voice, i guess its what im used to hearing so i must subconsciously just speak in that tone, but now its forced, thats within my higher range now and it hurts to talk like that so i have to keep reminding myself to just let my voice drop to that lower more comfortable level.

My moods are still very stable and im still waking up everyday happy, its incredible, i love it. I have a stressful week or two as well, and i know 4 months ago, id be struggling to deal with life, whereas now, i just deal with things and move on. Im happy.

Its funny, before writing this post i read back all my old posts from the back end of last year, and im just in a completely different place now to where i was then. Life is so positive. Its funny how worried and emotional i was about coming out to everyone. Everyone was so amazing. Even people like my parents who really struggled have been amazing, especially my mum, shes so on spot with my name and pronouns, more so than anyone else. I know its been difficult for some people, but everyone has tried so hard for this to just be a smooth transition and i couldn’t be more grateful and happy about it.

Thats it for now, catch you all up on any changes soon.